Mixed emotions

Today's one of those days. I'm happy & bummed at the same time.

I'm happy. Today is our second wedding anniversary. 2 years ago, S & I exchanged vows on a super windy beach in Mexico. The officiant said his name wrong approximately 20 times. The wind damn near blew my veil right off the back of my head. I sat at a beachside bar while S sang & played the Foo Fighters "Walking After You" to me. Then we danced, sang, & drank the night away. It was perfect. If I could live that day over & over, I would.

Today is the day that we planned on announcing our pregnancy on Facebook. We'd be 17 & 1/2 weeks along now, almost half baked. Instead, yesterday was 2 months since the loss.

I also had to get up this morning at 5:30 to head down to the hospital for my pre-admission testing. On October 31st, I'm having laparoscopic surgery to see if they can figure out the cause of  & clear the blockage in my right tube.

I felt torn going into today. Do I focus on what could have been? Or do I focus on what I have now & the possibilities ahead of us? I decided to try my best to do the latter. I have a wonderful & supportive husband & we're taking positive steps toward starting our family. I don't know what the future holds for us, but for today I'm forcing myself to be positive.