Tummy sleep!

It may sound silly, but having to sleep on my back was probably the worst part of recovery. For the last week, I'd been able to sleep on my side but still had to use the gigantic body pillow for that. Last night, I was finally able to get back to sleeping on my stomach!!!

I was also able to go back to the gym & start with some light cardio on Monday. So, overall, feeling pretty good this week.

We're in cycle 13 officially. Dr T wanted to start treatment this cycle, but our Thanksgiving travel put a damper on that. We're moving ahead with a natural cycle. I didn't know how I'd feel about that, but I'm pretty ok with it. My body has proven that it can get pregnant, so why not give it another try, right? 

Depending on how this cycle goes, we may elect to postpone treatment until January, but I have some really mixed emotions about that. Even though I just turned 33 in September, I can already feel 34 breathing down my neck. I really, really want to be finished having children by 35. That has always been my goal. Right now, getting pregnant by the end of the year will get us #1 by(or really close to) my 34th birthday. Which means I'd need a really quick turn around for conceiving #2, which is really unlikely since I plan to BF. But, I'd still have a good shot of being KU with #2 when I turn 35 & I'm ok with that. 

My biggest fear is not being pregnant, & far enough along for a heart beat, before we hit my previous EDD. Not meeting my little girl in March will be hard enough. I don't know how/if I can handle not being any closer to having #1 than I am right now on top of it. I'm trying not to focus on that & let it influence my decisions, but it creeps in & is pretty hard to ignore.

I don't know what to do. The answers are never clear with this shit. So far my gut, research & lovelies from TB haven't steered me wrong; so I guess I'll keep going with that until it bites me in the tush!

Idiot, I married an idiot

I love my husband, but he's a dumbass & doesn't listen well.

I called Dr. T on Wednesday, I was still in a ton of pain(6 days post-op), running out of meds & I was worried that my incisions might be getting infected. The told me to come in Thursday morning so he could take a look. Of course, I woke up feeling pretty great on Thursday, but I went. He examined my incisions & said that everything was healing nicely, he wanted me to cancel me post-op on the 15th.

So, I decided to ask him about this mysterious 'hairy overgrowth' that my darling, genius husband said Dr. T told him was the problem. Stephanie(his nurse) burst out into laughter. Dr. T looked at me like I had 3 heads. He chuckled & said that they inserted contrast material, inserted the wire into my tube & it pushed straight through the blockage. Then they were able to get contrast dye through both tubes. The end. I asked what the blockage was, he said they couldn't determine it, just that it wasn't endo related.

So then I asked myself, outloud, why Sean heard what he thought he heard. Dr. T, who admittedly has a very strong Greek accent(that I can understand perfectly clearly) said that he told S, who had no product in his curly fro, that HIS hair was overgrown. How my lovely dummy translated that into me having a hairy growth in my tube, I'll never know. Not sure why he didn't think to ask a question or 2 when being told something that bizarre.

I'm definitely starting to feel better, though. I should hit CD1 sometime in the next few days. At that point, I call the office & set up CD3 monitoring & we make a plan for this cycle.

Unrelated, I think I want to go see Thor 2 this weekend.

Also unrelated to me & TTGP, Doodmama made it to ET & transferred 2 gorgeous day 5 early blasts! I'm super excited for her!

healing

Upfront, right now, I'll freely admit that I am the worst patient ever. I just want to feel better already. I absolutely hate sitting still & letting someone else take care of me. I hate not being able to bend over & put on my own fucking socks. This stinks. S is being wonderful about it all, which I think only makes it harder on me. He has voluntarily slept on the couch since Thursday. He's been cooking breakfast, lunch & dinner. Cleaning up, taking care of the pets, doing laundry. I love him to pieces for doing it all, but I fucking hate not being able to do it myself.

I'm 4 days post lap & completely over it. The first few days, the sheer happiness with our results was enough to distract me from the pain. No more. This hurts. Even on the Percocet, everything I try to do hurts. Yesterday S rearranged our living room so I could have a slightly more comfortable seat with a view of the TV. I felt like an invalid just plopped in my recliner waiting for everything to be done for me.

Add to this that I'm sleeping like shit. It hurts to get in bed. Laying down hurts. Getting back up to pee or rearrange pillows 35 times a night, hurts. I'm not a back sleeper, but I knew I'd need to sleep that way post-op. I ordered a big, U-shaped, pregnancy pillow(I hate having anything with a pregnancy label on it in the house) to help; it's helping but it doesn't have enough support under my head. So, all night long, I play musical pillows trying to get some support under my head that doesn't make my neck hurt. I'm cranky. I need more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.

I feel ungrateful. He stayed up late last night to make sure my laundry got dried. He got up early this morning to shower first so I could sleep a few extra minutes. He drive me to work because I'm not cleared to drive yet. Without a second thought or single complaint, he is taking amazing care of me. I thank him constantly, but we both know I hate every second of it.

I want to go back to taking care of myself. More over, I miss taking care of things for him. I want to cook dinner for us. I want to be able to take the dog for a walk so he doesn't have to. I want him to feel like he can sleep in our bed without ruining my sleep. I am no good at being the sick one, but I guess to get better, I need to submit to this. I fucking hate it.

He just shared this article with me on Facebook. It beautifully sums up marriage. It reminds me that he's taking care of me because he wants to make me happy. I just hate that I'm not able to reciprocate right now.

These tubes are CLEAR!

Yesterday morning, we woke up nice & early, got ready and left for the hospital. We needed to be there by 9:30, it was about an hour away & we had morning traffic to fight with. I got showered, put on my Halloween socks & we headed out.

      

Traffic was light so we got there plenty early. I checked in & waited to be called back for pre-op. They called my name after about 20 minutes. Once I had my IV started, Sean was able to come back to wait with me. I talked to the nurses, a resident who would be observing, the staff OB, 2 Anesthesiologists, & Dr. T. Then I said goodbye to S & was on my way back.

Once in the OR, they had me shift over to the operating table. I laid down, got my drugs & was out like a light. Next thing I knew, I woke up in recovery. Dr. T came over with a big smile on his face. He didn't say much, but this is what he said, "Everything went great! Tubes are open & no endometriosis." He smiled at me & then left. Still in a haze, I began to wonder what on Earth he found if not endo. That was our best guess going in. So now what? 

I laid in recovery for what seemed like forever. They kept telling me to take deep breaths & cough, which I diligently did even though it hurt like a bitch. They gave me some ginger ale, graham crackers, & percocet. I was bloated and sore, but they said it would start to subside as I started moving around & burping. About an hour later the wheeled me back to the same-day surgery area.

The nurse pushed the rest of my IV & disconnected it. Then S was brought back. It was great to see him. I love him, but my thoughts immediately went to, "he has my throat lozenges." My throat was killing me from the breathing tube. So I asked the nurse if I could have one, she said of course, & sweet relief was on it's way. 

I asked S what Dr. T told him, what was the cause of the blockage? S said, "He told me it was a hair overgrowth & that it was all cleared now." I figured he must have meant something about the cilia in & around the fallopian tubes. But, S said that Dr. T was very happy with how it went. That was good enough for me, for now.

About 30 minutes later, I was getting dressed & waiting for my scripts. Dr. T didn't leave them. So they called the office & he was still there & in surgery. Once he finished, he popped over, gave my my scripts, told me everything went wonderfully & he'd see me in 2 weeks. Another big grin & he was gone. 

Then S went to get the car and the nurse wheeled me down. I grabbed my big pillow & S strapped me in. Then we made the long, bumpy, miserable ride home. Once we got home, I waddled in (walking hurt like a summbitch). I tried to lay flat, STUPID!!! So I decided to set up my pillows so I could sit upright in bed comfortably. S helped me into bed & got me as comfy as possible. Dori came & snuggled up with me. Then S headed to CVS to get my drugs. 

I hung out in bed the rest of the night. S made mac & cheese for me  for dinner. Then I snuggled in with my new body pillow & passed out. S was kind enough to sleep on the couch so I could have the whole bed. 

Today, I'm sore but so very happy! I never thought something like open fallopian tubes could make me so happy. LOL. Oh the things TTC does to your brain.

A big THANK YOU to my girls on TB. I wouldn't have had my lozenges or pillow with me without you ladies. Also want to wish my girl Doodmama GOOD LUCK with her egg retrieval on Sunday morning! I have everything crossed for them to get lots & lots of mature eggies from you!

XO ~Becky