Merry Holid....is it over yet?

First of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I'm a day late on that, but I wanted to wish anyone that may stumble across this a very happy holiday season.

This has been rough, much more so than I imagined. I spent the last 2 days before Christmas, trying to get myself in the spirit of things. I watched movie after movie, shopped, wrapped gifts, baked, & went to a small holiday party on Christmas Eve. On the way home from that, I was just starting to feel Christmassy. Then we walked into our apartment. There it was, Christmas Eve, undecorated & cold. There was a small pile of gifts in the corner of the living room, but other than that there were no signs of Christmas at our house.

We crawled into bed super early & watched the Harold & Kumar Christmas movie. Surely mindless pot humor with dick & fart jokes mixed in would cheer me up. It did too, until we got to the end of the movie  when Harold & Maria got a BFP on Christmas morning. All I could do was look over at S and say, "Well that's not happening tomorrow morning!" I don't know why I felt the need to tell him that, but I blurted it our before I could stop myself. I hate myself for saying that, I should have kept it in. The flash of pain in his eyes was horrible. He hugged me & said that he already knew that, but hopefully we'd have some good news in a little over a week. I honestly don't know where he finds the strength to keep as positive as he does.

Christmas morning, we were sitting down to open our gifts & I snapped at him for something so stupid I can't even remember it. I went to get a cup of coffee & came back to see him fighting back tears. He lost it. "This is not how this Christmas was supposed to be. We were supposed to be pregnant, just a few months away from baby being here. This was supposed to be our last childless Christmas." I honestly didn't know how to console him. All I could do was hug him & let him cry it out until one of our pets decided to do something to break the tension. Dori took care of that, she freaks out anytime he cries & has to come try to fix it. She squeezed between us, got on his lap, flopped onto her back, & started pawing at him til she got belly rubs. His puppy was there for him to love, all was right with the world again.

So, we opened presents, crammed some breakfast in our faces, packed up the car & headed to his great aunt's house. The great thing about holidays with his family is that they're usually child-free & booze-filled. We made it through the day with no mention of children or questions about the occupancy of my uterus. The only slight reminder was when his great aunt asked me if I was already looking for a job for once we moved. The real answer to that is, "We're hoping that I'm pregnant by that time. So, No, not looking for a job." The answer I have to give, "Ehhhh, we'll see what's going on. I have a few friends looking out for openings for me." But other than that, it was a nice enough day.

I have been temping since my IUI, though I'm pretty sure my BBT esta muerto. I've gotten 97.58 for 4 of my last 5 temps. So I decided to delete all of them & toss the thermometer. Those numbers just can't be right. Tomorrow is only 5dpo, so I'll temp orally the rest of the cycle just to see what it looks like. I decided to test this morning to see if my trigger was still there:

It's super faint (much easier to see IRL), but there still. I'll test again on Saturday, that's 7dpt. If it's still there at that point, I'll test daily I guess. Not using another FRER until I want to confirm a negative wondfo.

Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound & some blood work. I expect progesterone in some form to follow that appointment. WOOOO! Bring on the headaches & sore tatties!