PGAL/IF brain is a motherfucker! I've said it before & I'll probably say it a lot more times(FX!). I'm trying to snap outta this funk, I swear I am. It's so frickin hard though.

When I got home last night, S told me that he had been talking to a friend of his. She is kinda the only person he has to talk to about what's going on, she went through loss & IF so she gets it. She told S that she was pretty much a nutcase until the day her daughter was born & that it actually got worse for her once she was past her loss milestone because she had no clue what was supposed to be happening. I guess it makes me feel a little less crazy to know that.

After talking to him, I went to dig out something from our wedding.

We had cake pulls & this was the one I got. It stands for happy, healthy children. I decided I was going to carry this around with me. I don't really believe in good luck, or charms, or any of that; but when I see it, I feel a little glimmer of hope. So until I feel better about this, this charm will be in my pocket.


Beta #4 tomorrow.....